Unapologetic

I was on my way home a couple of days ago when I suddenly remembered a promise I made to myself when I was a kid. I haven’t really kept it properly…. ” Live unapologetically”. I don’t know what stirred me to come up with such a “mission statement” and quite a pompous one at that. I guess it could swing either way. Do what I want, ignoring everyone else or do something everyone agrees with.

In some senses, yes I’ve made decisions like switching from school to school but hardly apologetically. I’ve travelled to countries with reasons like ” I want to see that bridge”.

I think I’ve had other visions of how I’d live when I’m older. I don’t think what I’m doing now coincides with any vision.

Prayer about the future is required….

 

Heal Over

It isn’t very difficult to see why
You are the way you are
Doesn’t take a genius to realise
That sometimes life is hard
It’s gonna take time
But you’ll just have to wait
You’re gonna be fine
But in the meantime

Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you’ll heal over
Heal over
Heal over someday

And I don’t wanna hear you tell yourself
That these feelings are in the past
No it doesn’t mean they’re off the shelf
Because pain’s built to last
Everybody sails alone
Oh but we can travel side by side
Even if you fail
You know that no one really minds

Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you’ll heal over
Heal over
Heal over someday

Don’t hold on but don’t let go
I know it’s so hard
You’ve got to try to trust yourself
I know it’s so hard, so hard

Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you’ll heal over
Heal over
Heal over someday

Yeah you’re gonna heal over

 

Photos

 

Taby!

I’m meant to write about my travelling but I am so lazy and tired.

So I shall write about Taby!

She’s my new favourite friend. haha, other friends would like to say obsession. I don’t actually see her that often but she makes me laugh when I see her.

Her hair’s growing out a bit now, so that’s good. At some point when there is more, I’ll be able to get her some funky monkey hairclips a la the many I had when I was a kid.

She’s slightly narcissistic, and finds great joy in looking at her own reflection. She literally chuckles and giggles!

She’s a snorer, I have no idea why….

I think her eyes were bigger than mine when I was younger…S

She  frowns a lot. like this =_=

She can’t quite crawl yet

Very very good at squirming and kicking me when she is fussing.

.

 

Travels are over o_O

I’ve been back to work for 2.5 days and feel like I want to pass out. Literally, woke up this morning feeling feverish, wondered if I was allergic to the concept of work. Got back on Tuesday night after a ten hour flight, 2 hour stopover in BKK, 2 hours more on the plane (I still cannot get over the fact that I did not have my own in-flight entertainment screen, yes it was a dodgy looking screen on the wall in front of the middle seats of the plane). I lugged a 23kg suitcase, one 50litre backpack, one Harrods plastic bag, another crumpler bag (and you know you’re only allowed 1 handcarry, whahaha) from nolly’s place, down to the tube station, changed trains, got to the airport. I got to the airport in one piece plus one bruise on my ankle (23kg suitcase swung against my ankle), praying that I would get through the whole checking in without having to pay (I didn’t pay!). So I’m back with a lot of bed bug bites (I have no idea from where), still jetlagged, getting a throat infection but with plenty of photos and stories to tell (whoever wants to listen).

Day 1:

I got into London at night and waited in the terribly long queue that was for entry into the UK (think many many international students plus parents plus dependents waiting to gain entry, ok fine that was the queue beside me), waited almost 45 mins before I got to the front of the queue. Got asked a few questions and got my passport stamped and yippee! I was back in the UK!

I didn’t quite believe I was back in London, didn’t quite believe that I was buying coffee in Heathrow, didn’t quite believe that Nolly and WY were at the back of the same queue I was in, didn’t quite believe that the cold air I was feeling was not air-conditioning. Of course I was excited to be back!

Took a taxi to their place (a nice house with a NICE kitchen and nice sized rooms for everyone plus a garden plus a living room/visitors’ bedroom plus 2 TOILETS!) and felt right at home, except it was cold. Saw Berryl again which was great.

Collapsed into bed and a few hours later dragged myself out of bed to get to the airport to catch my flight to budapest. Got to budapest after a terribly turbulent flight and hopped on the bus towards the train station ( got a bit lost trying to get to the bus from the subway after trying to decipher what the people at the subway station were saying in Hungarian). Managed to get a ticket on an overnight train from Budapest to Belgrade after a long time of waiting. Waiting proved interested though, spoke with a Swedish guy (we were rolling our eyes at how long the person at the counter took) about travelling and stuff and he pulled out some Serbian money and said take it (only 20 Serb dinar larh) and have a good time travelling. Left my bag with this nice old lady at the Budapest railway station’s luggage deposit office and went off to explore Budapest. It really is pretty, reminded me a little of Florence as well, walked till I was certain my legs were going to drop off then got back to the train station pretty late. Not before some dinner and postcard writing…..

Train station at night, ALONE is quite creepy. Especially if you have an old man in a suit plus hat sitting still staring at the departures screen without twitching a muscle, for a very very long time. I was too tired and my feet too sore to bother so I got comfortable and waited for the train.

Got onto the train after my tourist photo with the words “BEOGRAD” in front of the train and looked around for a seat. Think Harry Potter train (the inside I mean) and found no cabin free and saw one that had a chinese looking guy in it. Figured i could take the other seat and stretch out for some sleep (plus he looked relatively harmless) and so asked if I could join him. So I met Jason, Canadian, from Trinidad, doesn’t speak a word of Chinese. Got to talking about travelling and life. Sleeping in the train was a pain. Firstly cos the stupid heaters (I am extremely grateful for heating in cold cold places) got overheated and my seat got super warm/hot in the night then the stupid window wouldnt stay open. so there I am tossing and turning and in the seat across me he is sleeping soundly =_=. When I finally get around to sleeping, the border guards come on the train and stare at my passport for the longest time. I was grumpy and tired and muttered, ” don’t need a visa”, passport got stared at for an even longer time before the guard decided that this sleepy looking bespectacled girl didn’t pose a threat and stamped on my passport (YESS!!!!!, stamp from Serbia, ok cheap thrill but THRILL!). They stared at Jason’s passport for a long time too before stamping it. We both spent a good 5 minutes staring at the fresh stamps in our passport before passing out again.

Many many stops, many many toilet trips, many many attempts at prying the window permanently open later, we got to Belgrade! I said we cos we decided we would go around and meet after we both checked into our individual hostels. One hour later (i.e. the time we were supposed to meet back at the train station), I finally got to my hostel. 1 hour because people didn’t understand me, no one knew the street, I cannot read Cyrillic road signs, plus got followed by a dog =_=”’. Quick shower and a cabride down to the train station (Driver had a chat with me about Singapore, told me about his pilot friend who’s now in sg, asked me not to take another cab in Belgrade–> aww so sweet). ok tired. will try and review this tomorrow.

 

The mad traveller

I mentioned a dry spell, no travelling for almost 9 months straight and I’ve been for 2 trips. With different bunches of people.

Went to Hong Kong for about 4 days. It was all about shopping and eating and shopping and eating, a la the tourism advertisements of Hong Kong. It was great meeting friends as well, friends from uni that I haven’t seen for almost a year. Time spent was way too short though. Went to the tourist places like the Peak and walked through more markets than I actually cared for. I loved that I could get to walk all day, tried loads of local fare and yet didn’t have to plan at all, except for whinging the night before about things I wanted to do. Which we did, i.e. tram to the Peak and sitting on the Ferry (twice).

Many firsts in the trip as well. First time going into an LV store, the next day, first time queuing to get into an LV store. First time travelling with colleagues. First time not planning/ no input for the trip. First time travelling on SQ, airbus 380 WOOT! (and I had tremendous leg room, there was no seat in front of me!). First time in Hong Kong.

Few days after  I got back it was packing for Penang. Expected Penang trip to be really chill. Which it was, except for my sleep deprivation due to a certain thermostat that I was sure was there for show, and some coughing and snoring by my room mate  =_=.

Met up with Ronald MacDonald as well, which was nice as well as his girlfriend who was sweet.

Penang’s so very much a tourist backpacker’s destination. Enough to see to satisfy the alternate culture-hungry backpacker and chill enough for the tired out traveller. Of course this time I didn’t do the rough it out version (ahem due to travelling companions), stayed the first night at a brilliant place (UNESCO World Heritage Site lehhhh) with an absolutely camp hostel person (sharp tongue to boot). 2nd and 3rd nights were spent at this Boutique Hotel, which was pretty much the most expensive looking place I’ve stayed in, in my last 4 years of travelling.

The people I travelled  with were so vastly different, one similarity, everyone’s a photoqueen. The amount  of time spent preening before the photo’s taken and the scrambling to delete an “unsightly” photo just cos they didn’t look 100% is hilarious. A lot of laughter, which is really what I needed after a long long dry spell of no travelling. Travelling can really make or break friendships and it was refreshing travelling with people who took care of me (on average at least 8 years older than me). Of course it was also in places where language was not much of an issue and were Asian countries. Wouldn’t have done anything different in any of the trips, I think I gained a few insights to people I can now really call friends.

So, in a few days I’m going to spend one night with the girls on Sentosa, and a few days after that I’m headed to Europe for my final trip for the year (fingers crossed it’s not).

Did I mention that I’m going to be extremely broke after all these trips…..

Photos

 

Darkness and light

My other corner of the world for now stays on the other corner of the world.

Death never prepares you to face it again, you would think it would. Until you see the heartwrenching outpouring of grief, until you see flashbacks, you realise it only prepares you for the order of things, certainly not the emotions.

The crematorium is a cold cold place, the travelling casket extremely morbid and the doors leaves too much to the imagination.  Suddenly burial seems much better, at least giving proper closure.

Still plenty of thanksgiving, I’ve prayed for a while, I think my brother has too, about funerals and wakes. About having to kneel, about having to offer joss and incense. We were spared. Didn’t make anything easier though but a lot of thanks to give, knowing that doing or not doing small things like this can/ have a tendency to blow way out of proportion.

There were tears but so much comfort seeing the love and concern of friends, of family. It was nice to see smiles during some parts of each day.

Other grandpa came, a tremendously big step if anything. Man on the moon, pfthfff…. this was to me a step forward….

I pray about the future, for ah ma. Missing someone, for lack of romanticism, who has become a permanent part/fixture in your life for so many decades must be more agonising than I can imagine.

I still am no closer to my answer about my job. My great inclination as always is to flee, perhaps that’s why I take to travelling like a fish to water, my escapes… I moan and groan about the lack of decision and then realise I’m blessed with choices then. Am praying for an answer, taking leave has only put off my having the make the decision, I still feel like I want to leave, then again I highly doubt God intended for me to go though so many things in life and throwing in the towel at something like this. See-sawing…..

So begins my night of prayer…..

 

Where to go from here….

So I’m supposed to be flying to another corner of the world, I had my route all mapped out in my head. But except for the booking of flights to the land of scones and earl grey tea, I hadn’t felt an inclination to move to book anything else. Ah my beautiful national park full of waterfalls….But thankfully.

I might not be going.

Ah Gong is ill. A is very ill. how critical for both I dont know, all I know is I spent a good amount of time praying.

My job is unsettled. There’s so much that’s going on in upper management, no one really knows what’s going on.

I’m tired, I wanted the trip to refresh me, to let me draw closer to God again. I guess I’ll have to learn to trust again in spite of all the curveballs, believe you me, I’ve had many thrown in my direction.

Everything’s on hold indefinitely, until I get some inkling of any silver lining or any sense of direction.

Pray with me, for Ah Gong and A’s salvation. My most pressing prayers….

 

So what’s next…..

A holidayyyyy!!!!! Woot!

So I was at work last week, and my mad colleagues suddenly start saying ” let’s go to hongkong!”(mind you these are colleagues who are 8-10 years older than me) and they decide that their favourite youngest colleague will be a good travelling companion/ easy to bully and torture and so started 2 whole days of when should we go, where are we going…….

Snippet:

S: Let’s stay in this hotel. Joannnaaaaaa come here!

Me: (at this point I’m really doing some work) Haiyah anything la, nothing can be worse than my open the windows and see a wall hostel. I can live under a bridge….

S: COME HERE!

A: Aiyah just come here, see la. I told you she can stay anywhere….

J: When are we going when are we going when are we going……

So I trudge over, yell at J to shuddup and look at the hotel website (FWAH it’s a proper hotel) and repeat that I don’t really care as long as there’s a toilet and it’s cheap.

S: don’t lidat lar, give me a bit more and we stay in a better place?

Me: =_=

Then the next day, after many more hilarious snippesjust as we’ve decided that we’re going, with my supervisor frantically looking for the cheapest deals on top of my air tickets to london for me…. the talk of the town H1Nxxx has mutated and all talks of hk have gone down the drain. Not to be let down, they suddenly start saying “let’s go to HANOI!” =_= (these are extremely crazy women…)

My interns had their last day yesterday, more like last few hours when they went around madly taking photos and giving away presents. There was some cheesecake, some mad phototaking, got writing scribbled  on my hands in red marker. Jin jie jie’s last day too…. sigh….

So now it’s down to deciding if I’m gg to transfer places, where to go for a holiday and if our short trip to vietnam will materialise……

 

It’s over

Another page in the chapters of my life (oh for crying out loud, how cliche is that start)….

I shall begin again.

The Games are finally over. I started losing count of dates and days 6-8 weeks before the start of the Games. Weekdays and weekends melded into just merely “days”, I forgot that I actually see the sun when I get into work. The Games started with nary a thing going right, I started by stressing in the command centre.  I think I got sucked into the microscopic view of things, but if I didn’t do it, who else would. Then again, I had quite good company in the form of interns, in the 2 weeks of pre-Games suffering.

I checked into my new home, a hotel room, and left the room after 1.5 hours of sleep for more work. 2 days later, checked into another hotel room and managed to actually sleep, eat and function slightly better.

It’s been a tremendous 6 months. I learnt a lot: about how work can crawl when people refuse to talk to each other simply because they don’t like each other, how it sucks to be both the messenger and the middle person (my favourite phrase at that point was ” don’t burn the messenger”), how building relationships with people beyond talking about work can really help in every way possible, I suck at planning, I get a headache when the realisation hit me that I suck at planning, just cos someone’s at the top doesn’t mean they are actually capable (it baffles me as to how they got up there in the first place).

I got back to work this week and wondered about what I was supposed to be doing, spent a good part of the 1st 2 days collecting stuff from people and talking and talking and basically not doing work. So now that it’s officially over, I’ve grown older (i think more wrinkles, and my face has aged, hello facials), realised my physical limitations, wondering what’s next, thinking about my holiday destination (s), took many photos of my niece (she’s uber cute!). It feels like I’m back to square 1, wondering what I’m going to be doing. Although I learnt a lot, also felt that I didn’t learn either (nothing exceptionally new), I really dislike how work overwhelmed and took over and how far I drew away from God. So now that I have time to breathe, and think, I need to reorder my priorities and most importantly read and PRAY.

To end off, baby Taby!

I think I scared her….. hehe….

 

Baby Taby’s faces

Yay! Baby Taby is growing and so is her every expanding repertoire of faces…..

 

I glare at you arrr.

I hate being woken in in a noisy restaurant….

hehehehe….